c’est-à-dire, you are missing from my life.
you are a whatsapp notification, an orange gchat icon, a youtube link in my inbox.
you’re not present in my life; you’re a text message as I’m rushing to my 9am seminar, a passing thought as I’m getting ready to go out, an unexpected phone call on a saturday morning while I’m half awake.
“it’s 4am, I’m just calling to tell you how much I miss you.”
lately I’ve been trying to remind myself to live in the present. three times per day, or per bus ride, depending on how successful I am at it.
now, I think, look around.
right now it’s a misty, gray-blue afternoon and the trees on campus on my way to work make the distance between my feet and the sky-ceiling-canopy seem infinite - which it is.
right now it’s french class and I’m drinking happy planet juice and dozing off paying attention.
right now I’m walking alone, one foot in front of the other,
step - step - step - step.
right now it’s midnight on a january night (january means second semester, which means stop forgetting what month it is already), and I’m jumping into a pool with my best friends, seeking exhiliration - yes, this is happening,
no, it is not surreal, because I have a firm grasp on right now,
January,
Vancouver,
Winter.
